nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize