My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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