T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
