Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
