she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
