3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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