I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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