Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
