Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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