She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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