I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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