she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did I show you my penis last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
