i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
