I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
