I can text with my tongue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
