I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
