sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
