thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize