Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
