I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
