why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
