it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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