$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
