Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
