Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
