I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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