Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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