Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
