The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
