why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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