Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
