The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
