respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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