I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize