omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
