Already got asked if we're dating
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm too high and old for this...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
