listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
