garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
