i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
