my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
