so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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