ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
