U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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