wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
