Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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