Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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