Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
