writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
