I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
