just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
