I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
