oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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