my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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