You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
