News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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