Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
