Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
