I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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