I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
