i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
