Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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