so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
