Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
