She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
