So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
