Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
