dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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