It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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