I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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