how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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