did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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