I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
