If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
