I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
