she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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