he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
