Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
