just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
