If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i will never coherently bang her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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