He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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