You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
