All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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