It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
