well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
