Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
