god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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