clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
