So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
