3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
