I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
