if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
