I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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